on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i think my cat just said my name.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
