Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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