I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
