i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
