The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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