I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
