It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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