I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
