Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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