tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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