there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
