I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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