Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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