So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
