plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
