I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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