dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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