Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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