tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
