I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
