Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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