you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
