next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
