she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
