I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
