dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
