Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
