You're so nebulous sometimes
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
