was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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