I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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