Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
