I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
