do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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