I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
