He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
