I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
