I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize