just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Randomize
