yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
