You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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