But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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