dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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