You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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