i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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