How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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