I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
