My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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