i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
