i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
