And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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