He uses pillows to masturbate.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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