I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
