??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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