i already hear my dad disowning me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
