how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
