why didn't you poke me back
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
