Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize