life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
