got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
