I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
