yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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