She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize