yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
