I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
