Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
