i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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