You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
