i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
