Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
