nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
