My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
