Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
