Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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