Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
