Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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