i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
