just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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