based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
